Sign Language
I’ve decided to learn jokes in sign language.
That way, I can guarantee no one’s heard them before.
Learning Jokes
If these hilarious learning jokes do nothing else, at least you’ll learn to smile again when reading them!
Engraving Lessons
I’ve started taking engraving lessons.
There’s still so much to learn, we’ve only just scratched the surface.
Guitar Lesson
Want to know one of the most important lessons in learning how to play guitar?
Stay tuned.
Saving Everyone
A friend once told me, “You can’t go around saving everyone. They have to learn to save themselves.”
Great friend. Terrible lifeguard.
Steamroller Lessons
My wife said she wants to spend our savings on learning to drive a steamroller.
I said I’m not going to stand in her way.
Bass Lessons
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week the father asked him what he had learned.
The son said, “On my 1st lesson we learned about the E string.”
The 2nd week came and after the lesson the father asked what had he learned that week.
The son said, “On the 2nd lesson I learned about the A string.”
The 3rd week came by and the father said to his son, “You know these are expensive lessons, what have you learned this week?”
The son said, “I quit the lessons, I already got a gig.”
Disposable Masks
Today I learned you can use disposable masks to brew espresso.
That’s because they’re coughy filters.
Chemistry Class Joke
During chemistry class, I learned that sulphur dioxide should never be poured into a metal container.
It’s just an oxidant waiting to happen.
Albert Einstein
Today I learned Albert Einstein really existed.
I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
Upside Down Canoe
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Learning Piano
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it’s not an easy instrument to pick up.
Learning Escapology
I’ve spent the past week learning escapology.
I need to get out more.
Original Pentagon
Today I learned that the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
Taking Things Literally
The interviewer said to me, “Your resume says you take things too literally.”
I said, “When the hell did my resume learn to talk?”
Stephen King’s Son
Today I learned that the writer Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I’m not joking, but he is.
McDonald’s
McDonald’s tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.
Hopefully, they’ve learned from their McSteaks.
Ice Cream Lessons
Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sunday school.
Learning Braille
I asked my Dad what it was like learning Braille, but he didn’t want to tell me.
I didn’t realize it was such a touchy subject.
Didn’t Learn Anything
I just read through six pages in the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
Cloud Computing
I never knew how technologically advanced Moses was.
But today I learned he had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Judge Costume Party
A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed as a convict for a costume party.
He soon learned you should never book a judge by their cover.
Job Qualification
I went for a job interview today. The interviewer said, “If you get the job, forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.”
I said, “I didn’t go to college.”
She said, “Well then, you’re under-qualified to work here.”
Speeding
I learned my lesson about speeding today, and I’ll definitely make sure it never happens again.
I didn’t get pulled over or anything, I got to work 20 minutes early.
Learn From Your Mistakes
My Mom learns something new from me every day.
She thinks it’s important to learn from your mistakes.
