Construction Site Job
I went for a job interview on a construction site mixing sand, gravel and cement.
I think I got the job but nothing’s concrete yet.
Interview Jokes
No matter who you ask, you won’t find funnier interview jokes than these anywhere! They’re just the job!
Biggest Weakness
“What’s your biggest weakness?” asked the job interviewer.
“I don’t know my own strengths,” I replied.
“What’s your biggest strength?”
“I contradict myself.”
Wet Cement
I accidentally stepped in wet cement in the front walkway of this building because I was in a rush to get to my first job interview.
I’m pretty sure I left a bad impression.
Five Years Time
Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.
Three Words
I went for a job interview and the interviewer asked me to state my biggest weakness in three words.
“Not very good at math,” I replied.
Two Cows
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: The brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer (naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer (now annoyed): Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It’s also mine.
Blacksmith Interview
I went for an interview at a blacksmith’s yesterday.
The blacksmith asked me, “Are you any good at shoeing horses?”
I said, “No, but I once told a donkey to get lost.”
Taking Things Literally
The interviewer said to me, “Your resume says you take things too literally.”
I said, “When the hell did my resume learn to talk?”
Police Interview
I just said, “No comment” all the way through the police interview.
I didn’t get the job.
Under Pressure
Just got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure.
I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.
IKEA Interview
I went for a job interview at IKEA today.
When I got there, the interviewer said, “Welcome! Come in and make a seat.”
Wait A Minute!
The job interviewer asked why they should give me the waiter’s job.
I said, “I bring a lot to the table”.
EA Games Job Interview
I went for a job interview at EA Games today.
The interviewer said to me, “The second part of your resume is missing.”
I said, “For the second part, you have to pay $20.”
Job Qualification
I went for a job interview today. The interviewer said, “If you get the job, forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.”
I said, “I didn’t go to college.”
She said, “Well then, you’re under-qualified to work here.”
My Greatest Strength
I went for a job interview today.
The interviewer said to me, “What would you say your greatest weakness is?”
I said, “I think I’d have to say my listening skills are my greatest strength.”
Biggest Weakness Interview Question
I went for a job interview today.
The interviewer asked me, “What’s your biggest weakness?”
I said, “Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics.”
The interviewer asked, “Could you give me an example?”
I said, “Yes, I could.”
I’m Responsible!
I went for a job interview today and the guy interviewing me told me they were looking for someone responsible.
I said, “In that case, I’m your guy. In my last job, every time something went wrong they said I was responsible.”
Honesty Is The Best Policy
I went for a job interview yesterday. The interviewer asked me what my biggest weakness was.
I said, “My honesty.”
He said, “I don’t think that’s a weakness.”
I said, “I don’t care what you think.”
Mental Arithmetic
I went for a job interview today and the interviewer said to me, “According to your CV, you’re really quick at mental arithmetic.”
I said, “Yes, that’s right.”
He asked me, “Okay, what’s eighteen multiplied by nineteen?”
I replied, “Thirty nine.”
He said, “No, that’s not even close.”
I said, “No, but it was quick.”
Describe Yourself In Three Words
I went to a job interview the other day. The interviewer asked me to describe myself in three words.
I said, “Lazy.”
I’m a Lumberjack
A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview.
The interviewer asks him, “So, what experience do you have?”
The lumberjack replies, “Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.”
The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, “The Sahara Forest? Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?”
The lumberjack says, “Yeah, that’s what they call it now.”
Man Of Mystery
I was at a job interview today.
The interviewer said to me, “On your CV, it says that you’re a man of mystery.”
I said, “That’s correct.”
He said, “Would you like to elaborate?”
I said, “No.”
