Ghost Bagel

What did the ghost put on his bagel?

Scream cheese.

Finally October!

It’s finally October, which means all of the cobwebs and dust in my house just became Halloween decorations.

Trick Or Treaters

I’ve found that answering the door naked helps deter trick or treaters.

Oh here we go again, two dressed up as cops.

Tax Specialist

What do you call a blood-sucking tax specialist?

Account Dracula.

Vampire Beer

What kind of beer do vampires drink?

Blood light.

Strange Darts Game

I just had a game of darts with a zombie and an alien.

One undead and E.T.

Vampire Hunter

First day as a vampire hunter: Wow, this is easy!

First night as a vampire hunter: Oh no!

Witches Wear Black

Why do all witches wear black?

So you can’t tell which witch is which.

Ghost Showers

Why don’t ghosts like to take showers?

Because it dampens their spirits.

Wolf Therapy

What do you get when you send a wolf to therapy?

Aware wolf.

Body Part Tracker

How does Dr. Frankenstein keep track of his body parts?

He uses an organ-izer.

Halloween Scare

“There’s only one thing that scares me at Halloween,” I said to my wife.

“Which is?” she asked questioningly.

“Exactly,” I replied.

Flat Earth Vampire

What do you call a vampire who thinks the earth is flat?

No-sphere-ratu.

Calm Skeletons

Why are skeletons always so calm?

Because nothing can get under their skin.

Scary Cemetery

This girl ran up to me at the cemetery last night and said, “I need to pass through the cemetery but I’m scared to walk alone. Can you walk through with me?”

I said, “Oh yeah of course. Don’t worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too.”

Ghost Chicken

What do you call a ghost chicken?

A poultry-geist.

Zombie Bodybuilder

Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?

He was dead lifting.

Only One Thing!

I said to my son, “There’s only one thing about Halloween that scares me.”

He asked, “Which is?”

I replied, “Exactly!”