Insect Urine Gasoline
I heard a large oil company is going to start making gasoline from insect urine.
I think it’s BP.
Gas Jokes
Gas what? You’ll be running on fumes because of all your laughter at these hilarious gas jokes!
Counterfeiter Mistake
A couple of counterfeiters make a mistake one time and end up with a batch of $15 bills.
One of them says, “We gotta get rid of these things. We’ll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They’re so dumb they won’t know a thing.”
So off they go. Soon they arrive at a gas station and buy some gas.
The guy at the counter looks a little simple-minded.
“Hey can you break a 15 dollar bill for me?” one of them says.
“Oh, sure, no problem,” the cashier says.
The counterfeiters grin at each other.
“I told you,” the one whispers to the other, and they fist bump.
Then the cashier says to them, “So, do you want an 8 and a 7, or two 3’s and a 9?”
Gas Prices
You think gas prices are expensive, have you seen chimneys?
They’re through the roof.
Expensive Places
I don’t usually brag about going to expensive places…
But I just left the gas station.
Tesla Founder
Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa, which is strange.
You’d think he was from Mad-at-gas-car.
Car Breakdown
Four engineers get into a car but the car won’t start.
The mechanical engineer says, “It’s a broken starter.”
The electrical engineer says, “Dead battery.”
The chemical engineer says, “Impurities in the gasoline.”
The IT engineer says, “Hey guys, I have an idea, how about we all get out of the car and get back in.”
Three Letter Word
What has three letters and starts with gas?
A car.
Gasoline Drinker
Who can drink 2 liters of gasoline?
Jerry can.
Cheap Gas
I got gas today for $1.39.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
Art Thief
A thief tried to steal the paintings at the Louvre in Paris.
He was caught two blocks away when he ran out of gas.
He said, “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh. But I tried because I had nothing Toulouse.”
It Used To Be Free!
Remember as a child when air for your bike was free? Now it’s $1.50!
I asked the gas station attendant why.
He said, “Inflation.”
Farted In My Wallet
I farted in my wallet.
Now I have gas money.
Blonde Car
A blonde pushes her car into a gas station one day.
She tells the mechanic it just died as she was driving along.
The mechanic works on it and soon has the engine idling smoothly.
The blonde asks him, “So, what’s the story?”
The mechanic says, “Just crap in the carburettor.”
The blonde asks, “Okay, how often do I have to do that?”
Congress Has Been Taken Hostage
I was stuck in traffic outside Washington DC this morning. No-one was moving at all.
Then this guy knocked on my window. I rolled it down and said, “What’s happening?”
He said, “Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress and they say they will douse them in gasoline and set them on fire if they are not paid a $100 million dollar ransom. We’re going from car to car collection donations.”
“How much is everyone giving?” I asked.
He said, “About a gallon.”
Human Torch
Guess who I just saw at the gas station – that human torch guy from the Fantastic Four films.
I tried to get his autograph but he just kept rolling around on the floor screaming.
