Long Flight
I sat next to a baby for a 10 hour flight.
I didn’t think it was possible for someone to scream for 10 hours straight.
Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.
Flight Jokes
You need have no worries about these funny flight jokes landing safely! They won’t cause any turbulence at all!
Missed Flight
I was driving to the airport to catch my flight when I saw a sign that said: “Airport Left”.
So I turned around and went home.
Flight Company
I’m starting a flight company exclusively for bald people. I’ll call it…
Receding airlines.
Priest Smuggler
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”
“Of course child. What may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you,” she replied.
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
Father replied, “I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next please!”
Flight Possibility
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly …
And as you can see, they were Wright.
Bad Movie
I don’t know why everyone is saying Cats (the movie) was bad.
They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.
In The Air
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was on a flight?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne.
Helicopter Flights
Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning?
Twirly.
Screaming Baby
I asked to switch seats on my flight because I was next to a screaming baby.
Apparently, that’s not allowed if the baby’s yours.
Air Hostess
I was on a flight the other day when the air hostess came up to me and said, “Excuse me sir, would you like to have dinner?”
I said, “What are the options?”
She said, “Yes and No.”
Going To California
These two blondes were going to California for the summer.
They’re about two hours into the flight when the pilot comes on the intercom and says, “We’ve just lost an engine but it’s all right, we have three more so nothing to worry about. It will take us about an hour longer to get there, that’s all.”
A half hour later the pilot comes on the intercom again and says, “We’ve just lost another engine but it’s all right, we still have two more so nothing to worry about. It will just take us an extra half hour to get there.”
One of the blondes turns to the other and says “If we lose the two last engines we’ll be up here all day.”
