Fight Jokes

My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they prepare the food right in front of you.

So I took her to Subway and that’s how the fight began.

What kind of lotion does a bullfighter use?

Olay!

What do you call a food fight with an unlimited amount of food?

All you can yeet.

My dad gave me some advice a few years ago.

He said, “Son, if you ever get into a fight in a bar, just take a ball from the pool table and put it in your sock.”

Worst advice ever. I could hardly run.

I got so drunk last night that I started a fight with a mop.

To be fair, I wiped the floor with it.

The Beastie Boys are releasing a 5 part anthology.

Parts A-D are free, but you have to fight for your right to Part E.

My wife and I always fight over the right way to hang the toilet paper roll, so our therapist suggested we try the other person’s way for a week.

You know. Roll reversal.

Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns?

I’m trying to think of any words that have a duel meaning.

I said to my therapist, “I’m getting a gun because of my fear of birds.”

She replied, “I think you might be getting carried away.”

I shouted, “Not without a fight, I’m not!”

I won my first cage fight last night.

The parrot didn’t know what hit it.

My Granddad always used to say to me, “Fight fire with fire.”

It’s no wonder he got sacked from the fire service.

My granddad always used to say to me that the best part of fighting is the make-up sex.

Which probably explains his short-lived career as a boxer.