Echo Chamber
I accidentally farted in an echo chamber.
Now I’m afraid I’ll never hear the end of it.
Fart Jokes
These funny fart jokes certainly won’t stink the place out because they easily pass the smell test!
Fart Scientist
Why was the fart scientist so successful?
His observations were very asstoot.
Little Johnny Farts
Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.
He sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing.
The principal walks by and sees him.
He asks, “Little Johnny, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?”
“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.”
The principal asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”
“Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I’m outside in the fresh air.”
Bed Fart
Why doesn’t James Bond fart in bed?
Because it would blow his cover.
Caveman Farts
What do you call a caveman’s fart?
A blast from the past.
Cheap Gas
I got gas today for $1.39.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
Dinosaur Farts
Scientists have discovered a fossilized dinosaur fart.
They described it as a blast from the past.
Deodorant Stick
I bought a deodorant stick today.
The instructions said, “Remove cap and push up bottom.”
I can barely walk but when I fart the room does smell lovely.
Farted In My Wallet
I farted in my wallet.
Now I have gas money.
Queen’s Fart
Why couldn’t the chemist laugh at the Queen’s fart?
Because noble gases are non-reactive.
Apple Store Farter
I went to the Apple store today but while I was in there I couldn’t stop farting.
Everyone got really annoyed.
But it’s not my fault they don’t have Windows.
Farting Teacher
What do you call a teacher who doesn’t fart in public?
A private tooter.
Elevator Fart
I once farted in an elevator.
It was wrong on so many levels.
Luxury German Car
My wife is like a luxury German car.
She emits gases and then denies it.
Persistent Wind
I went to the doctor yesterday and asked him to give me something for persistent wind.
He gave me a kite.
Don’t Blame The Dog
This young Korean couple are lying in bed when the guy starts farting non-stop.
The girl can’t stand the smell and says, “Stop that! It’s disgusting!”
The guy says, “Don’t blame me, it’s the dog.”
“Don’t blame him,” says the girl. “He was cooked perfectly.”
Silent But Deadly
This little old lady visits her doctor and says to him, “I have a problem with really bad gas, Doctor, but to be honest it really doesn’t bother me too much because my farts are always silent and never, ever smell. Actually, I must have farted at least fifteen times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t even realize I was farting because like I said my farts don’t smell and are completely silent.”
The doctor replies, “I see, hmm…. try taking one of these pills every night and come back and see me again next week.”
The next week the little old lady returns to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I don’t know what the heck those pills were that you gave me, but now my farts, although they are still silent, my God, they stink awful!”
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”
Very Tired
I went to the doctors and told him, “Every time I fart the room fills with smoke and stinks of petrol. What’s wrong with me?”
He said, “That’s easy. You’re exhausted.”
