Castle Wedding
I made my wife’s dreams come true and we got married in a castle.
But you wouldn’t have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.
Face Jokes
We’re sorry, but you’re just going to have to face up to the fact that these face jokes are hilarious!
Puzzled Look
My wife woke up the other day with a puzzled look on her face.
She’d fallen asleep on her crossword.
iPad Thief
Great news! The police arrested the man who stole my iPad.
I hope he’s going to face time.
Photography Puns
My wife said she’d leave me unless I stopped making photography puns.
I said, “Snap out of it, don’t be so negative. Let’s see how things develop!”
Her face was a picture! She was out of the house in a flash …
Narwhal Card Games
Why are narwhals so good at card games?
Because they have a great poker-face.
Budgie Broken Leg
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a splint out of matchsticks.
His little face lit up when he tried to walk.
Boat Face
My wife upset me earlier.
She said I had a face like the back of a boat.
I gave her such a stern look.
Algebraic Terms
Last night, while my wife was asleep I decided to write algebraic terms all over her.
You should have seen the expression on her face.
Twitter Purchase
Now that Elon Musk has bought Twitter and laid off half the staff, he’s planning on buying YouTube and Facebook and doing the same with them.
To save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one.
He’s going to call it YouTwitFace.
Star Wars Tattoo
My brother got a Star Wars tattoo on his cheek.
You should’ve seen the Luke on his face.
Bee Sting
My husband got stung by a bee on the forehead.
He’s at the ER now, his face all swollen and bruised; he almost died.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
Early Leaver
A teacher told his students, “The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early.”
Suddenly, a pen came flying across the room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
“Who threw that?!” the teacher shouted, angrily.
“Me!” piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. “Can I leave now?”
Childhood Home
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home.
I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Rude Customer
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
School Nickname
My nickname at school was Scarface.
I was really good at knitting.
Not What I Expected
I watched the movie Scarface last night.
It’s quite a misleading title; I mean, the guy knew nothing about scarfs.
Bad Impressionist
A really bad impressionist walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Why the wrong face?”
Middle Of The Face
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it’s the scenter.
Four Letter Word!
Face is a four letter word.
But preface is a foreword letter.
Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous
“Hello everyone, and welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I’m pretty disappointed.”
Clown Face
Yesterday, I painted half of my face like a clown and went for a drive.
I don’t think anyone saw the funny side.
Red Mark
My son asked me to take him to the hospital because he had a big red mark on his face.
I said, “Let’s not make any rash decisions.”
Onions Joke
My friend said to me that onions are the only food that can make you cry.
So I threw a coconut in his face.
Dog Poop
I was walking along the street yesterday when I slipped in some dog poop.
A minute later this big guy did the same thing. I said to him, “I just did that.”
He punched me in the face.
Homeless Woman
I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Monkee Obsessed
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face.
Pasta Car
My sister bet me 100 dollars that I couldn’t build a working car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.
