Door Jokes

What do you call a mythical Scottish creature that roams around ringing doorbells?

The knock less monster.

I’m writing a song about getting my door lock replaced.

There’s a key change at the end.

Someone keeps dropping off random Lego blocks in front of my door every morning.

I don’t know what to make of it.

I went to a psychic and knocked on her front door.

She yelled: “Who is it?”

So I left.

What does James Bond’s doorbell sound like?

“Dong, Ding Dong”.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home.

I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday.

So the courier guy knocked on the door today to check if we were okay.

My granddad always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”

Lovely man.

Terrible cabinet maker.

The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”

Now I can’t open it, as the door faces the wall.

Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.

They’re changing their name to Knockers.

I’ve just seen a burglar kicking his own door in.

I asked, “What are you doing?”

He said, “Working from home.”

My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.

I told him, “My door is always open.”

If anyone wants to come and talk about why my stuff keeps getting stolen…

The door is always open.

Every morning, I find that somebody has quietly put a bunch of celery on my front door step.

I think I’m being stalked.

What do you call a $1,000 door?

A grand entrance.

I went to a strip club at lunchtime today but it wasn’t open.

The sign on the door said, “Sorry, we’re clothed”.

I told my Australian girlfriend that the Christmas wreath she bought was great, but to please make sure it doesn’t block the doorway.

Because then it would be a Great Barrier Wreath.

My landlord said he needed to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.

I told him, “My door is always open”.

“Dad, look! I’m a 3D printer!”

“Johnny, close the door if you’re taking a poop.”

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I’m not sure what freaked him out more – my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

“When one door closes, another one opens,” he said.

“That’s all well and good,” I said, “But until you fix it, I’m not buying the car.”

I tried being polite by holding the door open for a lady.

She kept yelling, “I’m peeing in here!”

How ungrateful!

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge.

It said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”

I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the heck did she mean?

My wife said she is leaving me because I’m too arrogant.

I told her to close the door on the way back in.

My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open.

Which is probably why his submarine sank.

First thing this morning there was a tap on my door.

My plumber has a funny sense of humor.