Shakespeare Game
Have you seen the new Shakespeare computer game?
Sonnet the Hedgehog.
Computer Jokes
Once you’ve processed these byte-sized computer jokes and puns, you’re sure to be a fan of them!
Computer Programming
How do you make a computer say “5”?
You’ll figure it out. It’s programming binary 101.
Frozen Computer
It was so cold yesterday my computer froze.
It was my own fault though, I left too many windows open.
Computer’s Worst Memory
What’s a computer’s worst memory?
Terrorbytes!
Dying Airport Computer
What do you call a dying airport computer?
A terminal terminal terminal.
Broke Programmer
Why did the programmer go broke?
Because she used up all her cache.
Binary Explanation
Someone tried to explain binary to me.
I couldn’t understand a bit of it.
Big Crumb
I dropped a really big crumb on my laptop keyboard. Turned out to be nothing to worry about though.
It’s under Ctrl.
Strange Movie
I watched a movie last night where Patrick Swayze teaches a girl how to type on a keyboard.
QWERTY Dancing.
Wife Argument
Arguing with my wife is like reading a software license agreement.
In the end, I ignore it all and click “I agree.”
Strongest Passwords
Why do drum kits have the strongest password protection?
Because they contain special cymbals.
Keyboard Trouble
I was so angry earlier that I threw my keyboard against the wall and parts flew everywhere.
That’s when the shift hit the fan.
Hard Drive
How do you eat a hard drive?
One byte at a time!
Disgusting Difference
What’s the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?
One is disgusted by a rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by a lack of RAM.
Head Slam
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljnm,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Keyboard Switcher
I ran into the office this morning and switched the m and n keys on as many keyboards as I could. Some might call me a monster but …
The rest are definitely goimg to call ne a nomster.
Programmer Money
Today I made my first money as a programmer.
I sold my laptop.
Computer Outage
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually.
It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
The Computer
My boss calls me “The computer”.
It’s nothing to do with intelligence; I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
Computer Problems
I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
He asked, “Hard drive?”
I said, “No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.”
On The Moon
Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer.
Thereisnospacebar.
Computer Hackers
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just ransomware.
Space Station
Why do people on the ISS use Linux?
You can’t open windows in space.
Dead Hackers
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
Helping Granddad
My granddad asked me how to print on his computer.
I told him it’s Ctrl-P.
He said he hasn’t been able to do that for ages.
Drunk Computer
How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screen shots.
Swearing Mouse
What do you call a computer mouse that swears?
A cursor.
Computer Virus
My computer’s got Miley Virus.
It’s stopped twerking.
I Don’t Like It!
I don’t like computer science jokes.
Not one bit.
Oldest Computer
The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.
Yes, it was an Apple.
But with an extremely limited memory.
Just one byte.
Then everything crashed.
Computer Science Student
A mugger jumps out in front of a university student and shouts, “Your money or your life!”
The student just keeps on walking as he says, “Sorry, I’m a computer science student, I don’t have either.”
Weak Password
I tried to change my password to “14days”.
The computer said it was two week.
My Computer Crashed
My computer just crashed a couple of hours into writing my paper.
Looks like I’m going to have to write the date and my name again.
Singing Laptop
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
iPod Name
I bought a new iPod the other day and I’ve called it “The Titanic.”
Now when I plug it into my laptop it says, “The Titanic is syncing.”
Arnie Won’t Be Upgrading
Arnold Schwarzenegger has released a statement saying he won’t be upgrading to Windows 10.
He said, “I still love Vista, baby.”
Password Strength
My computer said I had to change my password.
I entered “beefstew”.
My computer said “Sorry password not stroganoff.”
Gang Of Fonts
A gang of computer fonts walk into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your type here.”
