College Fund
I had a college fund, but I spent it on a boat and called it my scholar ship.
Boat Jokes
We thought we’d push the boat out and float these hilarious boat jokes by you! Hopefully, they don’t leave you with a sinking feeling!
Boat Swap
I swapped my boat for a new ship I hadn’t seen before.
I thought it was worth a punt.
Finnish Boat
What would happen if you torpedoed a Finnish man’s boat?
Helsinki.
Noah’s Boat Designer
Who did Noah hire to design his boat?
An arkitect.
Boat Face
My wife upset me earlier.
She said I had a face like the back of a boat.
I gave her such a stern look.
Venice Boat
I’m sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice.
My gondolences.
Houseboat
I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
Boat Purchase
I asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat.
He said “There was a sail.”
Sail Purchase
I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day.
Today it dawned on me that it’s not the right size so I called to cancel.
They said it’s too late.
That sail has shipped.
Upside Down Canoe
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Paddle Boat
I recently started taking my paddle boat out on the lake.
I feel like canoe person.
Upcoming Cruise
My wife was worried about meeting new people on our upcoming cruise.
I said, “Don’t worry. We’ll all be in the same boat.”
Beyoncé
I told my wife that I’ve always had a bit of a thing for Beyoncé.
“Whatever floats your boat”, she said.
I said, “No, that’s buoyancy”.
Polite Football Players
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Anaesthetic Choice
Before my surgery, the anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Successful Business
I started a business building yachts in my attic.
Sails are through the roof.
Work Perk
I had a row with my boss yesterday lunchtime.
One of the perks of working near a boating lake…
He Did Warn Them
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink.
No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theater.
Three Blondes
There are these three blondes stood on one side of the river one day, wondering how they’re going to get across to the other side.
The first blonde, in desperation, begins to pray, “God please make me smart enough to get across this river.”
God hears this and turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river.
The second blonde then also starts to pray, saying, “Dear God, please make me twice as smart as the last girl so I can get across this river.”
So God turns her into a redhead and she builds a boat and rows across the river.
The third blonde, seeing this, also start to pray. She says, “Dear God, please make me twice as smart as both of those women combined.”
So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.
Scuba Diver
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.
Barcodes On Ships
The Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on their ships.
So they can scan da navy in.
An Interesting Documentary
I watched a documentary on how ships are held together.
Riveting!
Teach A Man To Fish
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
