What is a highlighter’s favorite Twister position?

Knee on yellow.

What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car.

What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American literature?

Tequila Mockingbird.

Where are dead computer hackers buried?

In decrypt.

At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me. On a related note…

I suck at darts.

I bought a new pair of gloves today but they’re both “lefts”.

Which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

What did the designers of Darth Vader’s costume model it on?

Mannequin Skywalker.

What does a condiment wizard perform?

Saucery.

Which country is filled with very poor singers?

Singapore.

The roads were so rough, it damaged my laptop.

It was a hard drive.

Two books meet in a library. The first book says “You don’t look too well”.

The other book replies “Just had my appendix removed.”

Book Jokes

Library Jokes

I said to the doctor, “Every time I eat birthday cake I get heartburn”.

She told me to take the candles off first in future.

Doctor Jokes

Stupid Jokes

Funny Birthday Puns

Funny Birthday Messages

My book on clocks finally arrived.

It’s about time!

Book Jokes

Library Jokes

My sword doesn’t weigh much.

It’s my light saber.

What did 50Cent do when he got hungry?

58.

How does Darth Vader like his steaks?

Well, done done done, done da done, done da done.

What happens to an egg every time you look at it?

It becomes egg sighted.

What do you call a participation trophy in astronomy?

A constellation prize.

Why should you be worried if you see cows smoking marijuana?

Because that’s when the steaks are highest.

The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”

Now I can’t open it, as the door faces the wall.