Got A Light?

Today this guy at work asked me for a cigarette lighter.

I said, “Of course, give me your packet.”

He handed over his packet of cigarettes and I took one out and gave it him back saying, “There you go.”

“What’s that?” he said all confused.

I said, “It’s a cigarette lighter.”

Father And Son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.

Got him a Fosters ….. he didn’t like it – I had it.

Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn’t like it so I had it.

It was the same with Guinness and Cider.

By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the pram home.

Just One Potato

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, “How many potatoes would you like Tim?”

I said “Ooh, I’ll just have one please.”

She said “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.”

“Alright,” I said, “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.”