Funny Short Jokes Archives

Among all the machines, the pulley is the most egotistical.

It’s always at the centre of a tension.

Doctor: I’m sorry, but I had to remove your colon.

Me Why?

My wallet is like an onion.

When I open it, it makes me cry.

I used to be addicted to time travel.

But that’s all in the past now.

What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed?

Sea kelp.

I just bought a new blindfold.

I can’t see myself wearing it.

My wife said that quilts are better than duvets.

I told her to be careful making blanket statements like that.

What color is the wind?

Blew.

Me: *licking lips in anticipation* I’m nervous.

I’ve never done a bungee jump before. Instructor: don’t lick my lips again.

Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted.

For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.

Everyone was excited at the autopsy club.

It was open Mike night.

I started my new job at the pasta factory last week.

It’s been going well for the most part, just a fusilli mistakes.

Have you ever seen a picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved?

Its beauty was unpresidented.

My wife said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop eating pasta.

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

Has anyone else’s gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?

I planted myself on the sofa at the start of April and I’ve grown bigger ever since.

I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers.

What are the odds?

How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

I get depressed if I don’t play video games.

I always need to console myself.

What beef only comes in 2, 3, 5, 7, or 11 ounce portions?

Prime rib.