Bacteria Math

Why are bacteria so bad at math?

Because they multiply by dividing.

Big Bang

At the end of my physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”

He replied, “Sorry. No time.”

Tectonic Plate

What did one tectonic plate say when he bumped into another tectonic plate?

Sorry, my fault.

Racist Scientists

What club do racist scientists join?

The Potassium Potassium Potassium.

Friendly Ion

What’s the friendliest polyatomic ion?


Strange Eclipse

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.


If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria…

I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.

Chemical Reaction

My friend fell into a vat of chemicals.

Ironically, it was his quick reaction that killed him.

Lost An Electron

An atom lost an electron.

It said, “Man, I really ought to keep an ion them.”

Chemistry Paper On Acid

My chemistry teacher told me I had to write a 1,000 word essay on acid.

Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

Queen’s Fart

Why couldn’t the chemist laugh at the Queen’s fart?

Because noble gases are non-reactive.

Students With Potential

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?

Because that’s where students have the most potential.

A Chemist And A Plumber

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Schrodinger’s Cat

Schrodinger’s Cat recently went on a crime spree.

He’s wanted dead and alive.


What’s the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data. The other is a hardware standard.

Chemical Attack

I was walking through the park last night and one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another covered me in sulphuric acid.

It was terrible. I didn’t know how to react.