Science Jokes

Why are bacteria so bad at math?

Because they multiply by dividing.

At the end of my physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”

He replied, “Sorry. No time.”

What did one tectonic plate say when he bumped into another tectonic plate?

Sorry, my fault.

What club do racist scientists join?

The Potassium Potassium Potassium.

What’s the friendliest polyatomic ion?

Bromate.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria…

I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.

I know every single digit of pi.

Just not in the right order.

What do you call a resistor that can’t afford rent?

Ohm-less.

I don’t like computer science jokes.

Not one bit.

It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right.

Alcohol IS a solution.

My friend fell into a vat of chemicals.

Ironically, it was his quick reaction that killed him.

An atom lost an electron.

It said, “Man, I really ought to keep an ion them.”

My chemistry teacher told me I had to write a 1,000 word essay on acid.

Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

Why couldn’t the chemist laugh at the Queen’s fart?

Because noble gases are non-reactive.

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?

Because that’s where students have the most potential.

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl.

It’s seven.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Schrodinger’s Cat recently went on a crime spree.

He’s wanted dead and alive.

Sixteen Sodium atoms walk into a bar…

Followed by Batman.

If the number 666 is considered evil…

Is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

What did the black holes say when they collided?

Nothing, they just waved.

What’s the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data. The other is a hardware standard.

I was walking through the park last night and one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another covered me in sulphuric acid.

It was terrible. I didn’t know how to react.