Relationship Jokes And Humor

Son’s Train Set

I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

A Night In

Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar…

She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor.

Golden Gate Bridge

My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, “What are you going to do when you see it at last?”

I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.”

First Child

I rang the doctor and said, “Quick! My pregnant wife’s going into labor, what should I do?”

He said, “Is this her first child?”

I said, “No, this is her husband.”

Breast Pump

My wife won’t stop complaining about how long she spends breast-pumping for our new son.

She’s really milking it for all it’s worth.

Couples Therapy

The couples therapist said, “So, tell me what brings you here today?”

My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”

I said, “My truck.”

Mad Wife

My wife is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.

She just can’t seem to let it go.

It Could Have Been Me

I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus.

I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!”

Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.

Getting Heavy

After kissing a girl on her sofa she said, “Let’s take this upstairs.”

“Okay” I said, ” You grab one end and I’ll grab the other.”

Marriage Phobia

The doctor told me I might have a marriage phobia and asked if I thought I had any symptoms.

I said, “I can’t say I do.”

He said, “Yeah, that’s the main one.”