We were a bit worried if you would reactor not to these funny radiation jokes and puns, but then we thought, what’s the worst the fallout could be, so here they are! Read them before they decay!
Funny Radiation Jokes
Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white.
So now it looks like France landed there.
Why is reading research on electromagnetic radiation so easy?
Because it’s a pretty light subject.
Why shouldn’t you wear Russian underpants?
Chernobyl fallout.
My son learned about radioactive decay in chemistry class and he was real excited when he got home and had a million questions.
He wanted to build a reactor in the back yard.
I told him we couldn’t.
He said, “What, are you not smart enough?”
“No U.”
A band visited the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone without a guide.
Everyone suffered from radiation poisoning, except the lead guitarist.
Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?
To stop it from falling out.
An ultra low frequency sine wave radiates into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, why the long phase?”
I like you, in a plutonic way.
“Don’t you mean ‘platonic’?”
No, plutonium, like radioactive exposure. The longer I’m with you the more I feel like dying.
I used to be in charge of my aging parents estate, but my brother was bitten by a radioactive lawyer.
Now he has the power of attorney.
Did you know that grizzly bears are not harmed by microwave radiation?
In fact, they are one among several species of non-polar bear.
I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl.
Nine times.
What did the photochemist say to the radiation physicist?
Can you shed some light on this matter?
Apparently there’s a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that’s bananas.
Why did the throne give the king radiation poisoning?
It was chair noble.
Shortly after the Chernobyl incident China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.
The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.
The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly irradiated cleanup zone, but it too broke down in only 8 minutes.
The German robot with its superior German engineering managed to perform its task for a full 20 minutes before finally succumbing to the immense heat and radiation.
But all this time, the Russian robot was hard at work, and the engineers and scientists of all the other nations watched in awe as the Russian robot continued to send back signals for another full hour.
They asked the Soviet officer stationed there, “How is your robot still active after all this time?”
The Soviet officer looked at them, then took a glance at the clock, and shouted in to the megaphone, “Private Dimitri! Your shift is over! Come out for a smoke.”
My hips are radioactive.
I have a toxic waist.
While in my backyard the other day, I noticed a large gravitationally confined plasma thermo-nuclear fusion reactor.
Being an engineer, I saw that it was radiating huge amounts of energy at very high velocity in the form of incredibly high frequency transversely polarized Maxwellian electromagnetic waves.
Normally, Maxwellian waves are invisible, but these waves, I could actually see!
The frequency was so high, I am certain that the ionizing radiation could cause cancer, not to mention some very nasty radiation burns.
However, it was there, and I wanted to put it to good use.
So I purchased a condensed matter quantum physics band-gap based electromagnetic-wave-to-electricity transducer.
I used the transduced fusion generated electricity to run my computer to type this post.
It works really great… Except at night. Or when it’s cloudy.
I ate a radioactive taco.
There was lots of fallout.
An American nuclear engineer is talking with a Japanese nuclear engineer about a new material they’re planning on using for gamma radiation shielding.
The Japanese engineer asks if he can see it in action, so the American takes a piece of iron about 3 inches thick and puts in front of a gamma source.
The American pulls up the data for the counts detected by the gamma detector on the other side of the iron.
The American says, “So, on a scale of one to ten, we’ll call iron’s shielding capabilities about a seven.”
The American then takes away the iron and puts a 3-inch plate of lead in front of the gamma source.
He once again allows the system to collect data, and after the same amount of time, shows the Japanese engineer how the counts have gone down significantly.
The American engineer says, “We’ll say that’s about a nine.”
Finally, the American engineer replaces the lead with a 3-inch thick slab of their newly-developed material, and allows the test to run for the same amount of time.
When he shows the data to the Japanese engineer, the counts are almost zero – far below the counts recorded for lead.
The Japanese engineer, astonished, asks, “So what do we call that?”
The American responds, “A ten, you Asian.”
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation…
You could say to people you don’t like, “Can’t talk right now, you’re giving me cancer.”
Where are the happiest people on earth?
At Chernobyl. They are radiating.
Your momma’s so fat…
She gives off Hawking radiation.
I was ecstatic to finally visit Chernobyl.
Afterwards I spent weeks glowing and radiating happiness.
Bananas produce enough radiation to set off sensitive Geiger counters.
That would mean a banana tree is a nuclear plant.
I like my women like I like my radioactive isotopes.
Really hot and totally unstable.
Just found out that my rod and reel is radioactive.
Going nuclear fission.
Wanna hear a joke about radioactive isotopes?
Sorry, it just decayed.
More Funny Jokes
If you liked these funny jokes about radiation and radioactivity, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more hilarious jokes, including these:
