We knew these funny hipster jokes and puns before they were cool! But now we think it’s only fair we bring them to the mainstream!
Funny Hipster Jokes
I angered two people today by calling them hipsters.
Apparently, the correct term is conjoined twins.
Why did the hipster drown?
He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool.
Hipsters love Raiders of the Lost Ark…
Probably because it was the first Indie film.
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
Because he was too far out, man.
How do you drown a hipster?
Throw them in the mainstream.
Why was the hipster sweating?
Because he wore a scarf before it was cool.
What’s a hipster’s favorite profession?
Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
What’s the worst thing to say to a hipster?
You remind me of someone.
How did the Hawaiian hipster die?
He walked on lava before it was cool.
How do you get a hipster to take a shower?
Give them a leaky showerhead.
You know, so they can avoid the main stream.
Why did the hipster wear flannel in the summer?
He wore flannel before it was cool.
My idiot hipster friend started wearing two monocles out in public.
I said, “You’re making a spectacle of yourself.”
I saw a hipster rock today.
It said it was lava before it was cool.
Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
Because the river was too mainstream.
I farted in a room full of hipsters.
They spent two hours arguing who heard it first.
How much does a hipster weigh?
What’s a hipster’s favorite kind of cigarette?
Why did the hipster refuse to undergo surgery?
The anaesthesia wasn’t local.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue on a piece of pizza?
He ate it before it was cool.
Why was Hipster Santa arrested for arson?
Because he was putting coal in bad kids’ stockings before it was cool.
Why wouldn’t the hipster swim in the river?
It was too mainstream.
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh, it’s a really obscure number. You’ve probably never heard of it.
Why do hipsters burn their mouths on coffee?
Because they drink it before it’s cool.
Today I stepped on a hipster’s foot.
Now he is a hopster.
How do hipsters die?
I asked a hipster, “What’s your favorite Stephen King novel?”
He said, “You probably never heard of It.”
Why are millennials more susceptible to osteoporosis?
Because so many of them are degenerative hipsters.
They found bones of a homosapien who lived before the ice age.
Some say he was the first hipster…
Because he lived on the earth before it was cool.
I went to a hipster Sushi restaurant.
The only thing on the menu was an eye roll.
How do you get a hipster to eat a hot dog?
Put it in a man bun.
Why was Willis Haviland Carrie a hipster?
Because he invented air conditioning before it was cool.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to screw it in and two to complain about how much cooler the old one was.
If a tree falls in the forest and no-one is around to hear it, does a hipster buy the soundtrack?
A group of crows is a murder. What do you call a group of hipsters?
A justifiable homicide.
Why did the hipster refuse to go fishing?
The fish were in the mainstream.
Why did the hipsters die of dehydration?
They stayed away from the mainstream.
Who was the first hipster?
You’ve probably never heard of him.