Funny Short Jokes

Beyoncé

I told my wife that I’ve always had a bit of a thing for Beyoncé.

“Whatever floats your boat”, she said.

I said, “No, that’s buoyancy”.

Government Offer

The government offered to buy my guns from me.

But after a thorough background check of the buyer, I’m not comfortable with selling weapons to organized crime.

Weekend Plans

My friend asked me, “What are your plans for the weekend?”

I said, “I’m going to buy glasses.”

She said, “And then what?”

I replied, “Then I’ll see.”

Parking

I said to my doctor, “I think I might have ADHD, because I can’t remember where I parked my Ford!”

She said, “That’s not how ADHD works.”

I said, “But I keep losing my Focus!”

Cannibalism

A man is on trial for cannibalism.

He says to the judge, “Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man.”

Calculus Professor

My calculus professor was 16 minutes late for his first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes for the third.

At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.