No-one To Blame

A book just fell on my head.

I’ve only got my shelf to blame.

War Veteran

My granddad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray.

He’s now classed as a seasoned veteran.

Bubblewrap

“Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?” I asked my boss.

“Just pop it in the corner,” he said.

It took me three hours.

Race Crime

I shot someone with a starting gun the other day.

I’ve been charged with a race crime.

Out of Order

Someone texted me in the middle of the night.

All the text said was “G A B N”.

I think that’s bang out of order.