Funny Anti Valentine’s Day Poems

Enjoy this collection of hilariously bitter anti Valentine’s Day poems!

Ah, Valentine’s Day – a joyous celebration of love and romance!

Unless, of course, you’re single. Especially if you’ve just been dumped or otherwise split up with someone.

Then it becomes just another greeting card manufacturer’s money-making scam like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day or Second-Cousin-Twice-Removed’s-Day (no, they don’t actually have that yet, but give them time and I’m sure they will!)

So, this page is for all the lonely singletons and cynics and opponents of the commercialization of everything out there – it has alternative anti Valentine’s Day poems that you won’t find in any cards.

Alternative anti Valentine’s Day poems that you won’t find in any cards…

Dead Roses - Funny Valentine's Poem

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St. Valentine was actually a third-century Roman saint and the feast of St. Valentine on the 14th February was first established by Pope Gelasius I in the 5th century.

Of course at that point his feast day wasn’t associated with love, or the loneliness of waiting in vain for a card to be delivered and feeling all miserable when it doesn’t arrive.

Had Enough - Funny Valentine's Poem

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It was in England during the Middle Ages that the feast day first began to be associated with love and romance (and heartache and bitterness!), and it was in the eighteenth century that it became a time for giving flowers and cards as an expression of love.

Hayfever - Funny Valentine's Poem

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Of course, if you’re a hay fever sufferer then all these flowers are a nightmare, doubly so if you’re also a miser given the cost of cards and flowers these days.

Apparently, billions of pounds are now spent on Valentine’s Day on flowers, chocolates, cards and other, shall we say, more racy gifts.

What an expensive way of telling someone you love them!

Funny Valentines Poem - Love Doesn't Work

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This might seem a bit of a jaded and disillusioned view but even if you are madly in love on Valentine’s Day there’s no guarantee it will last any longer than the flowers, and the man or woman of your dreams might turn into the stuff of nightmares!

Kissed My Prince - Funny Valentine Poem

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As the old saying goes though, “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” So on Valentine’s Day when you’re inundated with cards and gifts, spare a thought for those sat waiting forlornly for that card that never comes.

Where Are You Cupid - Funny Valentine Poem

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According to the U.S. Greeting Card Association about 190 million cards are sent each year in the U.S. alone and with the advent of the internet millions of virtual cards are now sent electronically too.

You’d think that with all these millions of cards being sent, there’d be at least one out there for us somewhere; even if it was delivered to us by accident!

Broken Heart No Cards - Funny Valentine Poem

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We’ve left our most defiant message until last. This one is for all the newly bitterly separated…

Rather Be Single - Funny Anti Valentine's Day Poems

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Anti Valentine’s Day Poems

Now some of these messages might seem a tad on the bitter side but remember we’re only (half) joking.

We wish all our readers a Happy Valentine’s Day (if you’re actually reading this on the day itself…) and may Cupid shoot his arrow your way!

If you enjoyed our funny anti Valentine’s Day poems, be sure to check out our other holiday jokes, as well as these pages too:

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