Velcro Wall
My biggest goal for this year is to buy a Velcro wall.
I plan on sticking to it.
My biggest goal for this year is to buy a Velcro wall.
I plan on sticking to it.
Lapis lazuli.
I’m currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city.
It’s a Rome ants novel.
San Francisco.
I’m writing a book about drinking beer.
I’m currently on my 4th draft.
Cheese.
Your fingers have fingertips but your toes don’t have toetips.
Yet you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.
New Zealand.
Sometimes I like to mess with my husband and hide his stuff where he can’t find it.
Like I put his shoes in the shoe closet, his jacket on the hanger and his keys on the key hook.
El Salvador.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Bilbao.
I’ve never owned a telescope in my life.
But it’s something I’m considering looking into.
Johann Strauss II.
My doctor told me that I’m suffering from insomnia.
I asked, “Is it serious?”
He said, “There’s no cause for any alarm.”
So I just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my blanket is stolen in the middle of the night, I won’t be covered.
Blackcurrant.
I once dated a woman who was 1/4 Chinese, 1/4 Turkish, 1/4 Danish, and 1/4 Vietnamese.
She was great but I had to break up with her.
Too many red flags.
Schindler’s Ark.
I agreed to drive my wife downtown to see a movie because she said parking would be cheap.
But the parking was a lot.
Cyclops.
The police just came and arrested my dog.
He had unpaid barking tickets.
Emily Brontë.
I have just released my own fragrance.
The people sitting near me on the bus don’t look like they appreciate it, though.
Spaghetti.
I tried dating a nun but she stopped talking to me.
I got holy ghosted.
A type of waterfall.
I’ve decided to stop seeking approval from strangers.
Is everyone ok with that?
The back.
My half-brother and I aren’t allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.
Very slowly.
I went to school for magicians but failed the final exam.
They were all trick questions.
Pakistan.
How can you tell when a bucket gets sick?
It becomes a little pale.
Apparently exercising helps with decision making. It’s true!
I went for a jog today and decided I’m never going again.
Italian.
You have to be very precise when identifying fungi.
There’s not mushroom for error.
Sailing ship.
Buy wind chimes.
It’s a pretty sound investment.
Cheese.
My son likes to cause a scene by going up to his loft and playing the bongos very loudly.
It’s a little drum attic.
A bridge.
My kid called me an old man this morning.
We both laughed and laughed.
Then I changed the WiFi password.
Miami.
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie.
She said, “What movie would you like to see?”
I said, “You pick.”
She said, “You pick.”
I said, “I don’t care. You pick.”
She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets.”
Goldfish.
My budget plan went out the window last month.
It made a great paper airplane.
Africa.
It is known that there are five Great Lakes in North America.
But one is truly Superior.