Working at home sucks…
If you’re a firefighter.
I’m not bragging but I made six figures this year…
So they named me the year’s worst employee at the toy factory.
Any guy who plays heavy metal at work…
Is office rocker.
Today at work I beat my boss over the head with a pie chart.
I’ve been charged with a graph-aided assault.
Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?
They just pick it up as they go along.
I’ve started a boat building business in my attic.
The sails are going through the roof.
The job interviewer asked why they should give me the waiter’s job.
I said, “I bring a lot to the table”.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment …
Is that when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.
Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired?
Because they’re working around the clock.
I learned my lesson about speeding today, and I’ll definitely make sure it never happens again.
I didn’t get pulled over or anything, I got to work 20 minutes early.