Here at LaffGaff, we love short funny quotes because they so succintly describe the ridiculousness of life and everything that goes to make it what it is. It’s amazing how much can humor can be found in so few words, and so we’ve gathered together our favorite examples of such short funny quotes for you. Enjoy!
Short Funny Quotes
I stopped fighting my inner demons.
We’re on the same side now.
You never know what you have until …
You clean your room.
A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it’s not open. ~ Frank Zappa
Why is it that at night I can’t sleep, but in the morning I can’t wake up?
I never make the same mistake twice…
I make it 5 or 6 times just to be sure.
If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving. ~ Henry Youngman
Some people are like clouds.
When they go away, the day gets brighter.
Dieting is wishful shrinking.
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. ~ Franklin Jones
The future is shaped by your dreams…
So stop wasting time, and go back to sleep.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? ~ Bill Murray
If people are talking behind your back…
Be happy that you’re the one who’s in front.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to do. ~ Albert King
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
All my life I thought air was free…
Until I bought a bag of chips.
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead. ~ Bill McGlashen
Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.
When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick. ~ George Burns
I’m not lazy, I’ve just got energy saving mode turned on.
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You can only be young once, but you can always be immature. ~ Dave Barry
Everything is funnier when you’re not allowed to laugh.
Common sense is like deodorant…
Those who need it most never use it.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. ~ Marilyn Monroe
My wallet is like an onion.
Opening it makes me cry.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.
I was so drunk, I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food. ~ Will Ferrell
Don’t worry if Plan A fails…
There are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. ~ Charles M. Schulz
If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove you don’t need it. ~ Bob Hope
Doing nothing is hard.
You never know when you’re done.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. ~ Charles M. Schulz
Short Funny Quotes
If you liked these short funny quotes, you may enjoy our witty quotes and our funny sayings too.