I asked my wife why she never shouts out my name when she has an orgasm.
She said, “Because you’re never there.”
I was having sex with my friend’s wife the other evening when her phone rang. I freaked out and hurriedly started getting dressed because I could hear it was her husband.
She hung up and told me not to panic – he told her he was going to be late home because he was out drinking with me.
A couple are feeling horny and fancy a quickie but their son is in the house.
However, they can’t resist their natural urges, so they tell him to go out on to the balcony and look around and tell them what’s going on in the neighborhood while they do their thing.
So the son goes out on to the balcony and begins reporting back what he sees.
“It looks like the Baileys have got a new dog.” he says
“Oh! And it seems that the Jones are moving out.” he says
Then suddenly he shouts out, “Would you look at that. Looks like the Andersons are having sex.”
The couple stop dead in their love-making, and the fathers asks the son, “How do you know the Andersons are making love?”
The son answers, “Because their kid is out on the balcony too.”
An eight-year-old boy swaggers into a bar, sits on a bar stool and says to the waitress, “I’ll have a large double brandy and a cigar.”
The waitress soon realizes the boy’s age and asks, “Do you want to get me into trouble?”
The boy replies, “Maybe later. For now, I’ll just stick with the cigar and the brandy.”
Funny Condom Jokes Sex and bodily functions have always been a source of humor and jokes for mankind, and are a staple ingredient of many comedians’ routines, including condom jokes. It seems that most of us find sex funny for a number of different reasons – maybe because we all do it and at times we all […]
An old man and his wife go for a walk through the countryside and they come across a fence where they used to do their courting when they were younger.
Excited by the memories of their younger days, they make love furiously, with arms and legs flailing around all over the place.
When they have finished, the exhausted woman says in a surprised tone of voice, “You know, you never used to have sex with me like that 50 years ago”.
The man replies “Well, that fence wasn’t electric 50 years ago!”
My teenage daughter came home from school today and she was blazing mad.
“I’ve just done sex education in school today, Dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!”
I put down my newspaper and looked at her…
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”