Smiley grinning at good joke

Mad Wife

My wife is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.

She just can’t seem to let it go.

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Smiley laughing at a good joke

It Could Have Been Me

I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus.

I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!”

Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.

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Smiley grinning at good joke

Getting Heavy

After kissing a girl on her sofa she said, “Let’s take this upstairs.”

“Okay” I said, ” You grab one end and I’ll grab the other.”

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Smiley in sunglasses laughing at really funny joke

Marriage Phobia

The doctor told me I might have a marriage phobia and asked if I thought I had any symptoms.

I said, “I can’t say I do.”

He said, “Yeah, that’s the main one.”

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Smiley laughing at funny one liner

History

I’ve just spotted my ex-girlfriend standing on the other side of the museum.

I’m not going to go and say hi though.

There’s too much history between us.

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Mud Pack

I tried to have a conversation with my wife when she was applying a mud pack.

You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.

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Grinning at good joke

That’s Not Going To Work!

When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”

“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

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