My girlfriend left a note on the fridge.
It said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
I was in the park yesterday when I saw a tramp having a huge argument with his girlfriend on a bench. He suddenly stood up and poured his bottle of meths over the bench and set it on fire.
“What the hell are you doing?” I yelled at him.
He said, “She can leave me if she wants, but there’s no way she’s getting the house.”
This girl had been out for the evening and met this guy who she brought back to her house, where they were kissing and cuddling downstairs.
Because her parents were asleep in bed upstairs, she told the guy they had to be quiet and when he told her that he was desperate to use the toilet, she didn’t want to send him upstairs and run the risk of him waking her parents up. So she told him he should just use the kitchen sink instead.
A few minutes later he popped his head around the door.
She whispered as quietly as she could to him, “Have you finished?”
“Yeah,” he whispered back, “Have you got any toilet paper?”