Funny Relationship JokesFunny Relationship Jokes

Funny relationship jokes are always engaging (see what we did there!), and none more so than this hilarious collection of jokes about relationships that we've put together. There's something to cover every aspect of being in a relationship.

So we hope you enjoy these funny relationship jokes.



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Latest Relationships Jokes

News Anchor

My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

More on this after the break.

Happy Wife

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.

She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a pair of diamond earrings.”

So I got her nothing.

Previous Childbirth

My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.

I said, “Yes just once.”

He asked, “What was it like?”

I replied, “It was dark, then suddenly very bright.”

Peace And Quiet

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.

Birthday Gift

I’m trying to convince my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.

But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.

Strange Date

I was on a date with this really beautiful girl.

Well, it wasn’t a date, date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie.

Then the plane landed.

Welcome Back

“Welcome back everybody” is apparently not a good way to start a speech…

If you’re the best man at your friend’s second wedding.

Disgusting Habits

My wife just threatened to leave me because of my “Filthy and disgusting habits.”

I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.

Three Times

My friend said he’d seen another guy put his arms around my girlfriend three times.

I said I didn’t believe him. Nobody’s got arms that long.

Cannibal Date

I told my friend a cannibal took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie.

He asked, “Gladiator?”

I said, “No, I really miss her.”

One In Three

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend.

Exchange Numbers

I was talking to a girl in a bar last night and she said, “Hey, let’s exchange numbers.”

I said, “Won’t that confuse people who are trying to call us?”

Good Time Girl

I met a girl at a club the other night who said she’d show me a good time.

When we got outside she ran a 40-meter dash in just 4.5 seconds.

Voodoo Doll

I called my wife at work and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”

Sounding concerned, she said, “No.”

I said, “How about now?”

Listening Skills

I asked my girlfriend to rate my listening skills.

She said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.

Jellyfish Sting

My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!”

So I peed on it and said, “That’s for stinging my wife!”

Valentine’s Day Flowers

My wife just called me and said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine’s Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!”

I replied, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.”

Different Clothes

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with wearing different clothes every half an hour.

I said, “Wait, I can change.”

Relationship Game

My girlfriend said to me last night, “You treat our relationship like some kind of game!”

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.

Large Photo Frame

My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3 meter wide frame for our wedding photo.

Well I think she should look at the bigger picture.

Son’s Train Set

I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.