Really Bad Puns
Really bad puns are hilarious!
And there are really bad puns and then there are these really, really bad puns!
Sometimes something is so bad you just have to laugh, and here we have the perfect examples of the most awfully bad puns for you.
Enjoy! And if you do, you can find more punny jokes here.
A devout Christian guy went to a remote island to work as a missionary but was captured by a tribe of cannibals who cooked and ate him.
He was very tender and tasty, but they were all suddenly violently sick afterwards.
Which just goes to show that you can't keep a good man down.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A doctor had a regular habit of stopping off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home every evening. The bartender learned his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as five o'clock approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract.
Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "It's a hickory daiquiri doc."
A guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, I keep having these alternating, recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and, amazingly, became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Mahatma Gandhi, as everyone knows, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A boy had a job bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.
Intrigued, the young man eventually asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but the store manager turned down his request saying, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchens where a brother is frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom he got pregnant at the same time.
The first wife gave birth to a boy and the chief was so happy he built her a teepee made of deer hide.
A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. Again, the chief was delighted so he built her a teepee made of antelope hide.
The third wife gave birth a few days later, but this time the chief kept the details a secret.
He built the third wife two story teepee, made out of hippopotamus hide and then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, but no-one could work out what had happened. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.
"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"
The brave answered, "It's elementary - the value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
If you enjoyed our collection of really bad puns, why not check out the rest of our funny puns including our funny one liners, our corny jokes and our stupid jokes. And take a look at our other lame jokes too, including these: