Punny Jokes - Hilarious Puns
We've published our collections of really bad puns and funny puns for kids and adults before, but we know you're like us and just can't get enough punny jokes! So we've gathered together another bumper collection of hilarious puns just for you.
Enjoy these punny jokes...
I've decided I need to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
Did you hear about the pessimist who hates German sausage?
He always fears the Wurst.
My friend Steve drowned, so at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.
Well, it's what he would have wanted.
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage.
I lost my case.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it's fully groan.
I've got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure?
A waist of time.
Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the Ark hives.
The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.
There was no coffin at the funeral.
I just had a near-sex experience...
My wife flashed before my eyes.
Three men are on a boat one day. They all smoke and they've got four cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So they throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
A Mexican magician told his audience that he would disappear on the count of three.
He went, "Uno, dos..."
And POOF! He disappeared without a tres.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic.
But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
I, for one, like Roman numerals.
A boy was born who had Indian, Chinese, Irish and Italian grandmothers.
They couldn't decide on a name for him.
Then it hit them...
They called him Ravi O'Lee.
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
Someone was killed with a starting pistol today.
Police think it may be race-related.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift.
But I couldn't find a manual.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
If I was addicted to masturbation and then became addicted to sex would it be safe to say my addiction got out of hand?
Where do robots go for fun?
I just got kicked out of Karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row.
They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts.
I'm positive I just lost an electron.
Better keep an ion that.
Why was the little ink drop crying?
Because his mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
I told my wife we could either have sex or go and see the new movie.
She said she was on her period and the new movie was sold out.
But she pulled some strings and got me in.
A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked woman on his back.
"What are you supposed to be, then?" the confused host asks.
"I'm a turtle," the man replies.
"What a load of rubbish!" the host says. "How can you be a turtle when all you've got is that naked woman on your back?"
"Oh her?" the man smiles. "That's just Michelle!"
If you enjoyed these punny jokes, be sure to check out the rest of our site for lots more funny jokes and puns, such as these: