Grinning at good joke

Airline Ban

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive?

I did and apparently won’t be allowed on this airline again …

Idiot smiley laughing at hilarious joke

Watch It!

Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie?

Like, I was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me, “Hey! Watch It!”

Smiley in sunglasses laughing at really funny joke

Bad Habits

I’ve been reading so much about the bad effects of smoking, drinking and drugs that I’ve finally decided …

To give up reading.

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Not Another Dinner Date

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film.

Our dates can be summarized as follows: Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN!

Smiley grinning at good joke

Cure For Insomnia

I found a cure for my wife’s insomnia…

All I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.

Smiley grinning at funny joke

Captive Toast

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, “How did that toast get into the cage?”

“It was bread in captivity” she replied.