Gnome laughing at funny jokes

Hungry Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”

The guy says, “No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!”, says the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little monkey. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.”

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

“Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks.

“Now what?”, responds the patron.

“Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!”

Boy laughing at short funny joke

Wedding Joke

Two antennas met, fell in love and eventually got married.

The wedding ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was excellent…

Funny Short Joke

Mugging

I got chased by a mugger the other day trying to steal my wallet.

Halfway through the terrifying ordeal, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “He’s giving me a good run for my money.”

Funny Short Joke

Tough Choice

My wife just rang me.

She said, “The two kids want you to take them bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema.”

“It’s either one or the other,” I said, “otherwise it’s too expensive.”

“Okay,” she replied. “Which one do you prefer?”

I said, “David.”

Women laughing at hilarious joke

Pickpocket

I was walking through town the other day when I saw someone pickpocket a dwarf.

I don’t know how anyone could stoop so low.

Gnome laughing at funny jokes

High Stakes

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, “If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar £100. Do you want to have a go?”

The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, “Nah, the steaks are too high!”

Boy laughing at short funny joke

Psycopath

A bit of red tarmac and a bit of black tarmac were sat quietly in the pub having a pint when this bit of green tarmac walks in, beats the living daylights out of the red bit of tarmac, and then storms off again.

The barman says to the bit of black tarmac, “What the heck was all that about?”

The bit of black tarmac replies, “You have to be careful not to upset that one. He’s a bit of a cyclepath…”