Gnome laughing at funny jokes

High Stakes

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, “If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar £100. Do you want to have a go?”

The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, “Nah, the steaks are too high!”

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Boy laughing at short funny joke

Psycopath

A bit of red tarmac and a bit of black tarmac were sat quietly in the pub having a pint when this bit of green tarmac walks in, beats the living daylights out of the red bit of tarmac, and then storms off again.

The barman says to the bit of black tarmac, “What the heck was all that about?”

The bit of black tarmac replies, “You have to be careful not to upset that one. He’s a bit of a cyclepath…”

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Gnome laughing at funny jokes

Ugly Baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me.”

The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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Hilarious Jokes

Not Happy

This morning on the way to work I wasn’t really paying attention and I drove into the back of a car at some traffic lights.

The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf.

He said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

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Women laughing at hilarious joke

Just Kidding

A wife says to her husband, “How would you describe me?”

Her husband replies “ABCDEFGHIJK.”

The wife asks “What does that mean?”

The husband says “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”

The wife is pleased, “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”

The husband says “I’m just kidding!”

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Funny Short Joke

Wrong House

Some guy knocked on my door today and said, “I’ve got a parcel for your next door neighbor.”

I said, “You’ve got the wrong house then, mate.”

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