I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector last night.
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
A student visits the principal’s office one day.
The principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?”
The student replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.”
The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
This little old lady visits her doctor and says to him, “I have a problem with really bad gas, Doctor, but to be honest it really doesn’t bother me too much because my farts are always silent and never, ever smell. Actually, I must have farted at least fifteen times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t even realize I was farting because like I said my farts don’t smell and are completely silent.”
The doctor replies, “I see, hmm…. try taking one of these pills every night and come back and see me again next week.”
The next week the little old lady returns to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I don’t know what the hell those pills were that you gave me, but now my farts, although they are still silent, my God, they stink awful!”
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”