Funny Short Joke

It Could Have Been Worse

This old guy goes to the doctor to get the results of his tests. The doctor says, “I’m really sorry to have to tell you this but you’ve got terminal cancer and Alzheimer’s.”

The old man says, “That’s not so bad. I could have had cancer!”

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Funny Short Joke

Strangely Named Student

A student visits the principal’s office one day.

The principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?”

The student replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.”

The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

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Boy laughing at short funny joke

Don’t Lick The Knife

“Do you really have to lick the knife?” she asked.

“Sorry, force of habit,” I said. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?”

“Yes but not during surgery, Doctor.”

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Women laughing at hilarious joke

Man With Five Penises

This guy walks into the doctor’s office. The doctor asks him, “Now what seems to be the problem?”.

“It’s umm… errr.. well… I have got five penises,” replies the man.

“Good God man, how do your trousers fit?” asks the doctor.

“Like a glove.”

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Funny Short Joke

I Think I’m A Moth

I walked into the dentist’s and said, “I think I’m a moth.”

The dentist said, “I don’t think you should be here. You need to see a psychiatrist.”

I said, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.”

He said, “What are you doing here then?”

I said, “The light was on.”

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Funny Short Joke

Dizzy Spells

I went to the Doctors yesterday and told him that I kept thinking I was Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck.

He said, “How long have you been having these Disney spells?”

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Gnome laughing at funny jokes

Silent But Deadly

This little old lady visits her doctor and says to him, “I have a problem with really bad gas, Doctor, but to be honest it really doesn’t bother me too much because my farts are always silent and never, ever smell. Actually, I must have farted at least fifteen times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t even realize I was farting because like I said my farts don’t smell and are completely silent.”

The doctor replies, “I see, hmm…. try taking one of these pills every night and come back and see me again next week.”

The next week the little old lady returns to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I don’t know what the hell those pills were that you gave me, but now my farts, although they are still silent, my God, they stink awful!”

The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”

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Funny Short Joke

Very Tired

I went to the doctors and told him, “Every time I fart the room fills with smoke and stinks of petrol. What’s wrong with me?”

He said, “That’s easy. You’re exhausted.”

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