A collection of funny lesbian jokes and punsLesbian Jokes & Puns

It’s important to be able to laugh at yourself, regardless of your gender or sexuality; as long as the humor isn’t offensive, of course. With that in mind, these funny lesbian jokes are intended in the best possible taste and we hope everyone finds them amusing.


Funny Lesbian Jokes

What do you call a lesbian with long nails?


There are such double standards between men and women.

Like when a man sleeps with lots of women, he’s a “player”, but when I do it, I’m a “lesbian”.

My dildo has stopped working.

Now it’s a dildon’t.

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don’t cook, they just eat out.

What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?

A Klondyke.

You can’t spell “disappointment” without men.

How can you tell when you’re in a tough lesbian bar?

Even the pool table has no balls.

My lesbian girlfriend and I are totally different.

We’re a real dyke-otomy.

What do lesbians call Viagra?


What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?


What kind of humor do lesbians like?

Tongue in cheek.

Straighteners aren’t worth the money.

I’ve been using one for three weeks and I’m still a lesbian.

What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue?

Well hung.

To be legally married, a man and a woman need a marriage license. What do two lesbians need?

A licker-license.

What’s a lesbians favorite drink?


Did you hear about the house built by two lesbians?

It’s all tongue-in-groove, with no studs.

What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic?

Snap-on tools.

What is the most common allergen amongst lesbians?


What do you call a woman purchasing a vibrator?


What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?

Fur traders.

My girlfriend and I bake our own edible sex toys.

I love my new dildough.

What’s a lesbian’s favorite card game?


What do you call an Irish lesbian?


Why are lesbians such bad carpenters?

Because they don’t know how to handle wood.

What do you call a group of lesbian cucumber farmers?


Where do lesbians stay when they go on vacation?

A lesbi-inn.

What do you call cough medicine for lesbians?


What do you call a lesbian with 100 semi-automatic rifles?

Militia Etheridge.

What’s a lesbian’s favorite game?


What did one lesbian say to another?

Your face or mine?

What’s the difference between a Wheat Thin and a lesbian?

One’s a snack cracker and the other’s a crack snacker.

Did you hear about the new lesbian shoe called Diké?

It has an extra long tongue and you can get it off with one finger.

Lesbian Jokes & Puns

If you enjoyed our collection of lesbian jokes and puns, be sure to check out the rest of our site for lots more laughs including our other sex jokes, such as these: