Funny History Puns

These history puns are historically bad!

They're sure to make you groan. Still, that's why we like puns!

So enjoy them...

If someone else had flown first, it just wouldn't have been Wright.

Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.

The bartender asks, "You mean a martini?"

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for one."

Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Who invented King Arthur's round table?

Sir Cumference.

Which English king invented the fireplace?

Alfred the Grate.

If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.

The problem with studying history is that the teachers just seem to Babylon.

Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.

A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon's origin?"

The pupil replies, "'Course I can." (Corsican)

When a knight in armor was killed in battle, what sign did they put on this grave?

Rust in peace.

How was the Roman Empire cut in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

Why were Native Americans in America first?

They had reservations.

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?

Plymouth Rock.

People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.

There are many marbleous statues in Greece, but many people take them for granite.

Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages?

Because there were so many knights.

How does Moses make coffee?

Hebrews it.

Robert E. Lee was voted most likely to Secede in his high school yearbook.

Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.

King Arthur's army was too tired to fight, because of all the sleepless knights.

Last night on Dancing With The Tsars, Peter and Catherine were great but Ivan was terrible.

Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.

I saw the Liberty Bell. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

What do you call a detective from the Reformation?

Martin Sleuther.

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

Liberty.

What was King Arthur's favorite game?

Knights and crosses.

During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.

If you liked these history puns and want more groans, check out our other funny pun pages too, including these:

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