20+ Hilarious One Liners!

We’ve published plenty of the best one liner jokes before now here at LaffGaff. But you can never have too much fun, so here’s another collection of even more hilarious one liners! Enjoy!

Hilarious One Liners

My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.

Someone broke into my house and stole my external hard drive; they really got my backup.

Signwriters have their work cut out, don’t they?

I asked my friend a question while he was eating an orange, but all I got was a pithy response.

My friend’s in prison for flashing; he says he can’t bare it anymore.

I said to my friend, “Let’s take turns naming American vice-presidents, Al Gore first.”

My friend’s selling a load of broken yo-yos, no strings attached.

I tried drag racing the other day; it’s murder trying to run in those heels.

I went geese hunting the other day but once they started flying I knew the game was up.

I was at a climbing center the other day, but someone had stolen all the grips from the wall; honestly, you couldn’t make it up.

I was a bookkeeper for 10 years… the local library weren’t too happy about it.

It’s really important to obey the laws of grammar, after all rules is rules.

I’ve been training for a marathon by running 10 miles a day which is really tiring, but it’ll be worth it in the long run.

There’s been some talk of a wet T-shirt contest taking place in our little town; I’ll be the judge of that.

Wolverine is a man of many talons, isn’t he?

I’ve looked up to my father ever since he got that job as a trapeze artist.

If tightrope walking is called funambulism, then walking must be ambulisum, but where’s the fun in that?

I just watched 30 minutes of a TV play of Hamlet with the volume turned down; that was a hard act to follow.

I went to India last year where I saw a man sitting cross-legged while he played a tune to a snake, and I thought to myself, “That’s charming, that is”.

Police censuses tick a lot of motorists off, don’t they?

I was at a rock concert with my friend when he said he wanted to try crowd surfing, so I told him not to get carried away.

If you struggle to stay awake while using your iPad, there’s a nap for that.