Funny Short Joke

Man Walks Into Bar

A Frenchman walks into a bar with a toad on his head.

“What the hell is that?” asks the barman.

The toad replies, “I don’t know – it started as a wart on my ass and just kept growing.”

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Gnome laughing at funny jokes

Beer For Brain

A brain walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint of beer please.”

The barman looks at him and says “I’m sorry, but I can’t serve you.”

“Why not?” asks the brain.

“You’re already out of your head.”

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Gnome laughing at funny jokes

Family Troubles

A man walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.”

The barman says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.”

“Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay.”

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what’s wrong, the man says, “I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!”

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, “Yeah, my wife!”

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Funny Joke

Bear With Me

A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman, “I’ll have a whisky and………

…….soda.”

The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

“Dunno,” says the bear. “I’ve always had them.”

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Gnome laughing at funny jokes

Hungry Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”

The guy says, “No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!”, says the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little monkey. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.”

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

“Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks.

“Now what?”, responds the patron.

“Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!”

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Gnome laughing at funny jokes

High Stakes

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, “If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar £100. Do you want to have a go?”

The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, “Nah, the steaks are too high!”

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