Below are our 84 hilarious tree jokes, which isn’t quite as many as there are trees in the world. Nevertheless, take a leaf out of our book, pour yourself a root beer and enjoy!
We thought we’d branch out and bring you these tree-mendously funny tree jokes and puns! If you’ve been stumped for tree humor, hopefully our jokes about trees will provide some re-leaf!
Funny Tree Jokes & Puns
What do trees wear to pool parties?
Swimming trunks.
What do you call a tree that grows meat?
Dmitry.
I have a pet tree.
It’s just like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.
What’s a pine tree’s favorite radio station?
Anything that plays the poplar hits.
What do you call a really big tree?
Treemendous.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school.
What do you call a tree who commits espionage?
A leaves-dropper.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew?
It keeps dropping its needles.
What’s a tree’s favorite dating app?
Timber.
What tree does bacon grow on?
Porcupine.
Since I became a lumberjack I have cut down 2,854 trees.
I know this because every time I cut one down I keep a log.
How do trees calculate square roots.
They use log-arithms.
When the tree surgeon and his girlfriend broke up, he pined for her for months.
Knock on wood, they’ll someday get back together.
What did the tree do when the bank closed?
It started its own branch.
What is a tree’s favorite drink?
Root beer.
My Dad used to work all day grinding up tree bark and branches.
He was always a chipper guy.
How do trees get online?
They just log in.
What do trees write on?
Loose leaf paper.
What tree gives the best high-fives?
A palm tree.
What do you call the lowest fruit on a lime tree?
Sublime.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers?
Because they are true chess-nuts.
A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a tree.
He chose a tree and started swinging it with his axe.
“But, I’m a talking tree” said the tree.
“And you will dialogue” replied the lumberjack.
My local bank has just put an ATM up a tree.
If it proves popular, they’re going to expand it to other branches.
Who is a pine tree’s favorite singer?
Spruce Springsteen.
What’s the best way to make a tree laugh?
Tell it acorn-y joke.
What looks like half a pine tree?
The other half.
What did the beaver say to the tree?
It’s been nice gnawing you.
What is a tree’s favorite fruit?
Pine-apple.
What do trees say when they get cut down?
I’m stumped.
Tree trimmers do such a fantastic job…
They should take a bough.
What is a tree’s favorite school subject?
Geometree.
How do you identify a dogwood tree?
By the bark.
What does a tree that’s about to fall need?
Lumber support.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school?
She was always pining to become one of the poplar kids.
Why do trees have so many friends?
They branch out.
Why did the tree need to take a nap?
For rest.
You only have enough time to say one word to Edgar Allan Poe who is about to walk into a tree. What do you say?
Poetry.
Why was the weeping willow so sad?
It watched a sappy movie.
My new girlfriend and I are moving in together into a tree house.
I hope we won’t fall out.
After winter, the trees are relieved.
Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?
Because they stick.
How did the tree get lost?
It took the wrong root.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom?
Tree-son.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better?
Lemon aid.
When I bought some fruit trees, the nursery owner gave me some insects to help with pollination.
They were free bees.
What happens when you mix an angry cat and a lemon tree?
You get a sour puss.
In some conifer forests…
You can’t cedar wood for the trees.
Two hunters are lost in the woods. They’ve been lost for a long time and are both starving and are losing hope of surviving.
While staggering along, one of the hunters suddenly notices a tree that has thin slices of meat hanging from it.
He yells triumphantly to the other hunter as he points at the tree, “Look, we’re saved! There’s a bacon tree!”
He starts running for the tree when all of a sudden a group of armed men appear and start shooting at him.
The hunter turns right back and yells at his friend “Run! It’s not a bacon tree, it’s a ham bush!”
What kind of tree grows on your hand?
A palm tree.
Why was the tree stumped?
It couldn’t get to the root of the problem.
What is a tree’s least favorite month?
Sep-timber.
What types of books do pines read?
Poetree books.
When the plums dry on your tree…
It’s time to prune.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school?
Trigonometree.
My Dad was a Christmas tree salesman.
Before he started work he always got himself spruced up.
My business selling palm trees wasn’t a success.
People thought I was offering them a shady deal.
Why are tree pruners such nice people?
They’ll always go out on a limb for you.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble?
It kept being knotty.
How do you know a palm tree is lonely?
It has no fronds.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada?
Montreeal.
How does a coniferous tree get ready for a date?
They spruce themselves up.
What did one palm tree said the other?
“Let’s have a date.”
Why don’t trees travel in groups?
Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What do trees like to study in school?
Chemistree.
If trees could kill you…
They wood.
If you’re looking for oranges on an apple tree…
You’ll have a fruitless search.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush?
It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees?
Because they are really good at it.
How do you know when a tree has had too much to drink?
It won’t stop trunk texting their axe.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken?
Poultree.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion?
Faux fir.
Why do trees always hate taking tests?
Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What is a tree’s favorite dinosaur?
The tree rex.
What do you call a dead pine tree?
A nevergreen.
How do you get a one armed Irishman out of a tree?
You wave at him.
Why do trees always walk so slowly?
All they can do is lumber around.
How did the pines and firs end their war?
With a tree-ty.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him?
I walnut stand for this.
I once cut down a tree just by looking at it?
It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes.
What’s green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and a IPad ?
A pineapple.
A guy goes outside to mow the lawn and sees a gorilla up in his tree. He calls animal control who say the gorilla has escaped from the zoo and they’ll send an expert over right away.
The expert shows up in a van, opens it up and takes out a coil of rope, a net, a pointy stick, a pet carrier with a dog in it, and a shotgun.
The homeowner looks at these tools and asks, “How is this going to work?”
The expert says “I’m going to use the rope to climb up the tree. I’ll then poke the gorilla with the stick, the gorilla will fall out of the tree, the dog will run over and hold the gorilla by biting his testicles. At that point, you throw the net over the gorilla until I can get down and put him in the van.”
The guy says “Okay, but what’s the shotgun for?”
The expert says “If the gorilla knocks me out of the tree, you shoot the dog!”
Two bats are sat in a tree. One of them gets hungry for blood, so he flies out.
A short time later he returns with his whole face covered in blood.
“Where did you get all that blood?” asked the second bat eagerly.
The first bat says, “You see that tree over there?”
“No.”
“Me neither.”
Tree Puns & Jokes
If you enjoyed our funny puns and jokes about trees, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for even more laughs, including our other collections of funny jokes, such as these:
