Funny Short Joke

Mugging

I got chased by a mugger the other day trying to steal my wallet.

Halfway through the terrifying ordeal, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “He’s giving me a good run for my money.”

Funny Short Joke

Tough Choice

My wife just rang me.

She said, “The two kids want you to take them bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema.”

“It’s either one or the other,” I said, “otherwise it’s too expensive.”

“Okay,” she replied. “Which one do you prefer?”

I said, “David.”

Women laughing at hilarious joke

Pickpocket

I was walking through town the other day when I saw someone pickpocket a dwarf.

I don’t know how anyone could stoop so low.

Boy laughing at short funny joke

Psycopath

A bit of red tarmac and a bit of black tarmac were sat quietly in the pub having a pint when this bit of green tarmac walks in, beats the living daylights out of the red bit of tarmac, and then storms off again.

The barman says to the bit of black tarmac, “What the heck was all that about?”

The bit of black tarmac replies, “You have to be careful not to upset that one. He’s a bit of a cyclepath…”

Gnome laughing at funny jokes

Ugly Baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me.”

The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Hilarious Jokes

Not Happy

This morning on the way to work I wasn’t really paying attention and I drove into the back of a car at some traffic lights.

The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf.

He said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

Funny Joke

Sunrise

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from.

Then it dawned on me.

Funny Short Joke

Wrong House

Some guy knocked on my door today and said, “I’ve got a parcel for your next door neighbor.”

I said, “You’ve got the wrong house then, mate.”