Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Second Opinion

I went to the doctors today and he told me I was overweight.

I said, “I want a second opinion.”

He said, “Ok, you’re ugly too.”

Grinning at good joke

Sound Advice

My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.

“It’s worth spending money on good speakers,” he told me.

Funny face laughing at hilarious clean joke

Bank Robber

A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun and points it at the teller.

“Give me all your money or you’re geography.” he says.

The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”

The robber says, “Don’t change the subject.”

Idiot smiley laughing at hilarious joke

Tennis Ball Joke

I’ve just got back from my friend’s funeral.

He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.

It was a lovely service.

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Carrying A Knife

I’ve started carrying a knife since an attempted mugging a few years ago…

Since then my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

Smiley laughing at funny one liner

A Wake-Up Call

I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call.

She rang my room and said, “What the hell are you doing with your life?”

Smiley grinning at funny joke

Read Backwards

I got an e-mail saying ‘At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!’

I thought, “That’s just spam.”

Smiley laughing at funny one liner

Got A Light?

Today this guy at work asked me for a cigarette lighter.

I said, “Of course, give me your packet.”

He handed over his packet of cigarettes and I took one out and gave it him back saying, “There you go.”

“What’s that?” he said all confused.

I said, “It’s a cigarette lighter.”

Smiley grinning at funny joke

Goggle Box

My sister turned off the TV on me whilst I was watching it today.

After a few moments of staring at the blank screen, I thought to myself, “That’s not on”.

Rabbit laughing at funny joke

Memories

I walked down a street today where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.