Funny Joke

Funny Dog Poop Joke

I was walking along the street yesterday when I slipped in some dog dirt.

A minute later this big guy did the same thing. I said to him, “I just did that.”

He punched me in the face.

Boy laughing at short funny joke

Homeless Woman

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Funny Joke

Just One Potato

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, “How many potatoes would you like Tim?”

I said “Ooh, I’ll just have one please.”

She said “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.”

“Alright,” I said, “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.”

Smiley laughing at a good joke

Wicker Chairs

Two old men are sitting on the deck of a cruise ship.

The first one asks, “Have you read Marx?”

The other one replies, “Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.”

Grinning at good joke

Strange Underwear

A guy wearing only Saran wrap underwear walks into a psychiatrists office.

The doctor takes one look at him and says, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

Grinning at good joke

Man Walks Into Bar

A Frenchman walks into a bar with a toad on his head.

“What the hell is that?” asks the barman.

The toad replies, “I don’t know – it started as a wart on my ass and just kept growing.”

Smiley laughing at extremely funny joke!

Won’t Do That Again

I knocked at my neighbor’s door today.

“Your son has just run out in front of my car,” I snapped. “I nearly killed him.”

“I’m so sorry,” she gasped. “He won’t be doing it again.”

“I know he won’t,” I replied. “The paramedic said that he was probably paralyzed.”

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Beer For Brain

A brain walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint of beer please.”

The barman looks at him and says “I’m sorry, but I can’t serve you.”

“Why not?” asks the brain.

“You’re already out of your head.”