Smiley laughing at funny one liner

Cool Grandpa

This morning, my Grandpa walked into my room with a young bearded guy wearing skinny jeans.

I said, “Who is this guy?”

My Grandpa said, “My hip replacement.”

Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Hot Wheels

Police attending an incident returned to their car to find all four wheels had been stolen.

Officers are working tyrelessly to find the culprit.

Idiot smiley laughing at hilarious joke

Constipated Or Not?

I said to the doctor, “I feel constepatid!!”

He said, “I think you mean constipated.”

I said, “No, I just had a vowel movement.”

Idiot smiley laughing at hilarious joke

Exactly!

The doctor said to me, “Do you know you have a serious problem vocalizing your emotions?”

I said, “I can’t say I’m surprised.”

Smiley laughing at funny one liner

80s Pop Music

The doctor said to me, “Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80s pop music!”

I said, “Yikes, what’s The Cure?”

He said, “Oh my God, it’s worse than I thought!”

Smiley laughing at a good joke

Low Blood Pressure

My doctor has just diagnosed me as having low blood pressure.

He’s given me a prescription for two Ikea self-assembly wardrobes.

Smiley grinning at good joke

Funny Word

Asparagus is a funny word.

It sounds like an Italian guy begging you not to kill someone called Gus.

Laughing at funny short joke

That Didn’t Take Long!

A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen.

Upon leaving the man’s apartment, the officer found the man’s bag at the bottom of the stairwell.

It was a brief case.

Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Wheel Boss

I rang the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels.

The person who answered said they weren’t there.

I said, “Okay, who are you?”

They said, “His spokes person”.

Idiot smiley laughing at hilarious joke

Alphabet Soup

When I was little my Dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it.

I didn’t really – he was just putting words in my mouth.