Grinning at good joke

A Reason For Living

If you’re feeling down, dry drinking a pint of water before going to bed.

It’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

Smiley laughing at extremely funny joke!

Stoned Before Auction

I always make sure I get stoned before I go to an auction.

That way even if I don’t win anything, I’m always the highest bidder.

Grinning at good joke

Is It Too Hot?

My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her.

I said, “Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.”

Smiley grinning at funny joke

Clown Face

Yesterday, I painted half of my face like a clown and went for a drive.

I don’t think anyone saw the funny side.

Funny face laughing at hilarious clean joke

Rock, Paper, Scissors

I got pulled over by a traffic cop. He walked up to my window and said, “Papers.”

I said, “Scissors, I win…” and I drove off.

He must be desperate for a re-match because he’s been chasing me for ages.