Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Blood Donation

I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask way too many personal questions.

Like, “Whose blood is this”, and, “Where did you get it?”

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Black Panther Cast

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They’re the Tolkien white guys.

Grinning at good joke

Cardiologist

I couldn’t undo the buttons on my sweater so I tried pulling it over my head but it got stuck.

I’m at the hospital now, waiting to see a cardyologist.

Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Mystery Writers

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in most of the way, and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Disliked Farmer

Last night, my neighbor got on his tractor and started yelling, “The end is near!!”

I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.

Laughing at funny short joke

Tide Pods

I heard it’s easy to convince women not to eat Tide Pods…

But it’s a lot harder to deter gents.

Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Proud Heritage

I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage until I found out that my Great Grandfather was actually from Transylvania.

Now I can’t even look myself in the mirror.

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Favorite Twin

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.