I bought a new iPod the other day and I’ve called it “The Titanic.”
Now when I plug it into my laptop it says, “The Titanic is syncing.”
I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, bragging about his highly paid job and his expensive sports car.
Then he showed me a picture of his wife on his phone and said to me, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
I replied, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend.”
He asked, “Why? Is she a stunner?”
I said, “No, she’s an optician.”
A heavily pregnant woman hobbles painfully into the hospital with one hand on her back.
A nurse comes over to her and asks her what’s wrong, but the woman just shouts, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!”
The nurse shakes her head and says, “Sorry, I don’t understand.”
The woman screams, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!”
The nurse is really confused and turns to a doctor who says, “Admit her. She’s having contractions.”
A young, up-and-coming artist was exhibiting his work for the very first time.
A world famous art critic was there and he came up to the young artist and asked him, “Would you like my opinion on your work?”
“Yes”, replied the artist.
“It’s worthless,” said the critic.
The artist said, “Yes, I know, but tell me anyway.”