Funny Sex Quotes And SayingsFunny Sex Quotes And Sayings

There’s just something intrinsically funny about the act of lovemaking, hence the preponderance of sex jokes and smutty schoolboy humor.

And of course there’s lots of funny sex quotes too.

And as we like funny quotes and we also like sex, we gathered together all our favorite examples here. Enjoy!

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. ~ Steve Martin
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. ~ Mae West
Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. ~ Oscar Wilde
My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. ~ W. Somerset Maugham
Familiarity breeds contempt – and children. ~ Mark Twain
I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. ~ Woody Allen
The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she’s shopping. ~ Joan Rivers
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you. ~ Dorothy Parker
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic. ~ Woody Allen
Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping. ~ Lisa Lampanelli
What men desire is a virgin who is a whore. ~ Edward Dahlberg
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ~ Lily Tomlin
If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody’s face while we’re having sex; because, number one, what if I know the guy? ~ Laura Kightlinger
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes Benz 380SL convertible. ~ P. J. O’Rourke
Women fake orgasms and men fake finances. ~ Suze Orman
Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right. ~ Woody Allen
To err is human – but it feels divine. ~ Mae West
It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses. ~ Mrs Patrick Campbell
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people. ~ Chelsea Handler
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp. ~ Joan Rivers
The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to dress up for it. ~ Truman Capote
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it. ~ Woody Allen
Sex is an emotion in motion. ~ Mae West
You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither. ~ Steve Martin
In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind. ~ Nora Ephron
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. ~ Woody Allen

Funny Sex Quotes

If you enjoyed our collection of funny sex quotes,  why not take a look at the rest of our funny quotes too, including these:

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