Funny Pirate Jokes And PunsFunny Pirate Jokes And Puns

Avast, me hearties! Check out this treasure chest of funny pirate jokes. We’re confident that they’re the best pirate jokes you’ll find this side of the seven seas and no others are a patch on them!

Enjoy this collection of pirate jokes and puns…

What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?

Shiver me timbers.

Why did the pirate give up playing golf?

Because he kept hooking the ball.

A pirate goes to see his doctor and asks him to look at the spots on his arm.

The doctor examines them and says, “Nothing to worry about, they’re benign.”

The pirate says, “No Doc, there be eleven. I counted them before I came here.”

A pirate walks into a bar one day.

The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, you’ve not been in here for a while. And you look terrible, what happened to you?”

The pirate asks, “What do you mean? I’m fine.”

The bartender says, “But what about your wooden leg? You never used to have that.”

“Ah, well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg. Luckily, the surgeon sorted me out, and I’m fine, really.”

“Okay,” says the bartender, “But what about your hook? You had two hands the last time I saw you.”

“Ah well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off. Luckily the surgeon sorted me out with this hook, and I feel fine, really.”

“Oh okay,” says the bartender, “But what about your eye patch? The last time you were in here you definitely still had both eyes.”

“Oh that,” says the pirate, “Well we were at sea and some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye.”

“So?” replied the bartender, “What happened? You can’t have lost your eye just because some bird pooped in it.”

“Well,” says the pirate, “It was my first day with my hook and I wiped my eye.”

How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook?

An arm and a leg.

To err is human. To arr is pirate.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they can spend years at C.

Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?

Because he was sitting on the deck.

Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?

Because they already have all the booty.

How do pirates make their money?

By hook or by crook.

What does a pirate use to find out what the date is?

His calendARRRRRRRRRRR.

What do you call a pirate who skips class?

Captain Hooky.

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?

A Buck-an-ear.

The First Mate was on lookout for hazards from the crow’s nest on a pirate ship.

Suddenly, a huge wave hit the ship throwing the Mate from the nest.

He crashed through the upper deck and landed right in the Captain’s quarters.

The Captain, was startled and asked, “Matey, ye be hurt?”

“Narrrr Cap’n,” replied the First Mate, “I’ve been through hardships before!”

What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare?

A sunken chest with no booty.

A pirate and his parrot were adrift in a lifeboat after a dramatic escape from a vicious battle.

While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

The pirate was astonished when a Genie did indeed appear. The first thing the Genie said, however, was that he could only grant one wish, not the usual three.

Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate said, “Make the entire sea into rum!”

The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the best rum ever tasted by man.

At the same time, the Genie disappeared into thin air.

Only the gentle lapping of rum against the lifeboat broke the silence as the pirate and the parrot considered their circumstances.

The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment said, “Now you’ve done it! Now we’re going to have to pee in the boat.”

What’s a pirates favorite movie?

Booty and the Beast.

What does a pirate say when he turns eighty?

Aye, matey.

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrrrr.

What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable?

Leeks.

Why don’t you ever see a pirate cry?

Because when they do, it’s a private tear.

What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?

High Cs.

Pirate Jokes And Puns

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