Rabbit laughing at funny joke

Guitar Attack

I was in the pub last night and this bloke said to me, “I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.”

I said, “Is that a fret?”

Grinning at good joke

Hard To Get Hold Of

“Are you serious – I can’t believe you’ve never had a mobile phone?” asked a girl I was chatting to in a nightclub.

“What if your parents died and someone needed to get hold of you?”

“Well that’s hardly likely to happen, they died 6 years ago!” I said angrily.

“Oh I’m so sorry, you still sound really hurt?” she replied.

I said, “Of course I am, I only heard about it 2 days ago.”

Smiley laughing at extremely funny joke!

Difficult Text

It’s always difficult texting someone to tell them a loved one has passed away…

Especially when your name is Lol.

Smiley laughing at a good joke

Pasta Joke

My sister bet me 100 dollars that I couldn’t build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta…

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Unbalanced

I was at the cash machine the other day when a little old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance for her.

So I pushed her over.

Smiley giving thumbs up to funny joke

Deck of Cards Joke

I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino. After four weeks they still hadn’t been delivered so I rang them up to see what was going on.

They told me they were still dealing with my order…

Rabbit laughing at funny joke

On Her Death Bed

A young woman is lying on her death bed close to the end. Her husband comes into the room and gently takes hold of her hand to comfort her.

The woman musters up what’s left of her strength and whispers, “Darling, I must come clean with you”.

The man hushes her, telling her to save her strength.

She ignores him and continues anyway telling him that she hasn’t been completely faithful to him and that she’s had multiple affairs with his brother, father, sister and uncle.

The man replies, “I know darling, why do you think I poisoned you?”

Smiley grinning at funny joke

Once, Twice, Three Times A Blonde

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says: “Do you want to hear a funny blonde joke?”

The big woman replies: “Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I’m blonde, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I’m a professional athlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blonde woman sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blonde who is 6’5″, weighs 245 pounds, and she is a current professional kick-boxer. Now, do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?”

The guy thinks about it a second and says: “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”