Smiley grinning at funny joke

A Bit Inappropriate

I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish.

I could only think it wasn’t the Thyme or Plaice.

Funny Short Joke

Sound Advice

My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.

“It’s worth spending money on good speakers,” he told me.

Funny Short Joke

Bank Robber

A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun and points it at the teller.

“Give me all your money or you’re geography.” he says.

The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”

The robber says, “Don’t change the subject.”

Women laughing at hilarious joke

Not My Dog Joke

Bob walks into a bar and sits next to a man who has a dog next to him.

He says to the man, “Has your dog ever bitten anyone?”

The man replies, “No” but then the dog jumps up and bites Bob on the arm.

“I thought you said your dog’s never bitten anyone!” shouts Bob.

The man says, “I know. That’s not my dog.”

Hilarious Jokes

Snail Attack Joke

A turtle was walking down the street when he was attacked by a gang of snails.

When asked by the police what happened he said, “I don’t know, it all happened so quickly.”

Gnome laughing at funny jokes

A Carefree Friend

My friend has always been the kind of guy that gets stressed over everything.

Lately though he doesn’t have a care in the world so I asked him, “Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?”

“I’ve hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me,” he replied. “It only costs me a thousand dollars a week.”

“A thousand dollars a week? How on earth are you going to afford that?” I asked.

“I don’t know. That’s his problem…”

Boy laughing at short funny joke

Tennis Ball Joke

I’ve just got back from my friend’s funeral.

He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.

It was a lovely service.

Women laughing at hilarious joke

Dogged Pursuit – Funny Dog Joke

There was a knock at my door earlier. When I opened the door a policeman was stood there…

“Mr Jones?”, he asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“I’m afraid your dog’s just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”

I said, “I don’t think so – my dog doesn’t have a bike.”

Gnome laughing at funny jokes

Eating My Tea

I was eating my tea last night when I suddenly thought to myself…

“This milk must be seriously out of date.”

Laughing At Funny Joke

Epileptic Goldfish

A blonde woman goes to the vet with her goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy,” she tells the vet.

The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me.”

The blonde says, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”

Really Funny Short Jokes

An Invisibility Cloak

I’ve invented an invisibility cloak – anything under becomes completely invisible.

I’m still working out the kinks though… You can still see the cloak itself.