Women laughing at hilarious joke

Where Has The Time Gone?

I was at a party the other day when I lost my watch.

A bit later I saw a guy standing on it while sexually harassing a girl.

I walked up to the guy and punched him in the face.

No one does that to a girl.. not on my watch.

Funny Short Joke

Carrying A Knife

I’ve started carrying a knife since an attempted mugging a few years ago…

Since then my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

Funny One Liners

He Needs To Relax

A guy goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I keep having these alternating, recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam; then I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor replies: “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.”

Boy laughing at short funny joke

Read Backwards

I got an e-mail saying ‘At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!’

I thought, “That’s just spam.”

Women laughing at hilarious joke

A Wake-Up Call

I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call.

She rang my room and said, “What the hell are you doing with your life?”

Boy laughing at short funny joke

Got A Light?

Today this guy at work asked me for a cigarette lighter.

I said, “Of course, give me your packet.”

He handed over his packet of cigarettes and I took one out and gave it him back saying, “There you go.”

“What’s that?” he said all confused.

I said, “It’s a cigarette lighter.”

Funny One Liners

Memories

I walked down a street today where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.

Women laughing at hilarious joke

Goggle Box

My sister turned off the TV on me whilst I was watching it today.

After a few moments of staring at the blank screen, I thought to myself, “That’s not on”.

Smiley in sunglasses laughing at really funny joke

Chemical Attack

I was walking through the park last night and one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another covered me in sulphuric acid.

It was terrible. I didn’t know how to react.

Funny Joke

Funny Dog Poop Joke

I was walking along the street yesterday when I slipped in some dog dirt.

A minute later this big guy did the same thing. I said to him, “I just did that.”

He punched me in the face.