Smiley in sunglasses laughing at really funny joke

Cutting Ties

I decided to cut ties with all the people weighing my down.

My climbing partner didn’t appreciate it.

Rabbit laughing at funny joke

Bargain

I taught my daughter what the word bargain meant.

She said, “Thanks Dad. That means a great deal.”

Grinning at good joke

Liquor Store Joke

I was in a liquor store and an employee asked me, “Do you need help?”

I said, “Yes, but I’m going to get whiskey instead.”

Smiley grinning at funny joke

Not Yet

A three year old boy examined his testicles in bath.

“Mom,” he asked, “Are these my brains?”

“Not yet,” she replied.

Smiley sticking tongue out at funny joke

Big Mistake

My dad lost his job at the cemetery yesterday.

He buried someone in the wrong plot.

It was a grave mistake.

Smiley laughing at funny one liner

One In Three

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend.

Smiley laughing at a good joke

Exchange Numbers

I was talking to a girl in a bar last night and she said, “Hey, let’s exchange numbers.”

I said, “Won’t that confuse people who are trying to call us?”

Rabbit laughing at funny joke

Tuxedo Store

The guy at the tuxedo store kept hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”

Smiley grinning at funny joke

Bunch Of Celery

Every morning, I find that somebody has quietly put a bunch of celery on my front door step.

I think I’m being stalked.